CHRISTmas

Working in the ER Christmas Eve and Christmas morning was quite the experience. This time of year there are a lot of suicide attempts and/or thoughts due to the holiday and the emotions it sometimes brings up. Being someone who has had those same issues in the past, I can relate to these individuals, but as I relate, I realize how blessed I am to have so many things and people in my life and to no longer have struggles with those negative thoughts.

So, in the spirit of what CHRISTmas is really about, this is my Christmas list of gratitude.

• my car that kicks butt driving in this crazy weather and getting up the hill that leads to my house. Josephine rocks!
• my small but well decorated condo that provides warmth, shelter, and electricity so I can watch my DVD's on my TV and read my books by my lamps.
• the four flight of stairs that lead me to my condo that remind me I can walk after my back surgery and carry things that are lighter than 20 lbs.
• the MAC laptop that provides a way for me to keep in contact with friends via the Internet and write all the lovely papers for grad school (which, again I'm bragging, helped me achieve my 4.0 this past semester)
• teaching the little gangstas that I do as it provides me with laughter, frustration, compassion and caring for the 13-14 year olds. It also provides me with a paycheck, which I am very grateful for, especially during this economic crisis.
• working in the ER for the various Intermountain Healthcare facilities as I get to be close to the blood, guts and open wounds but don't have to go through the schooling to know what to do with said blood and guts. Also, it provides me with money to feed me and pay for gas, which unfortunately, the previously mentioned job does not.
• my amazing friends who understand my inability to be everywhere at once during this crazy period of my life, who make me laugh, cry, and support me continuously even though I may not always be available or around for them. I have never felt more blessed with friends than I have this past year and I can't thank them enough for teaching me what true friendship is and how to be a better me.
• cousins and aunts and uncles are the best! My mom's side is the most amazing group of family a girl could ask for. I feel so blessed to have them on my side and for their continual love. Hopefully they know how much I love them and how much their friendship means. Maybe when we're in Cali I can let them know a little more what their being family means to me.
• Papa Don, the step-dad. It took a bit in the beginning to accept him, more b/c I was a selfish, immature young lady, but now I truly consider him my step-father and rely on him more than I think he realizes. It is such a comfort to know he is there if I need him, questions and phone calls and all, and if needed, he would provide the priesthood for me in a second. I've said to him that if my mother passes before him that I'm not going anywhere and I hope he realizes that I'm not kidding!
• Mom. How to express the love and friendship I feel for her. As I write this I get teary eyed as I can't imagine my life without her. She does remind me often that she won't live forever, but if I have anything to say about it, she will, or at least we'll go together when she goes. This past week I spent the day cooking with her and even though my back and legs were killing me by the end, it was a memory I shall cherish. It's embarrassing for me to think of how I used to tell her I hated her when I was a teenager as I can't imagine having that emotion towards her. I am going to chalk it up to being a teenager, as I'm hoping she does as well.
• The Gospel. I am who I am due to the blessing of having been raised in the Gospel and having found out for myself the truthfulness of It and staying true and active in my religious beliefs. I can only imagine the tears that will shed, from me, when I am able to meet my Savior once again. I bet my father is having a hey day being in his presence as he was the most Christlike man I've known.