Triggers, Ramblings and Shout out to MOM!

It's amazing to me what can trigger a memory. I was recently at Target, and sadly Walmart, looking for various items. I happened to be in the bathroom area and came across, in both stores, moms and their children, shopping carts full of the necessities to begin college. It made me go back in time, 15 years ago, to shopping for my own college adventure with my mother.

We shopped, I'm sure, at various stores, but the memory that hit me the most was going to ZCMI (which of course is long out of business) to get my bedding and towels. It must have been when ZCMI was having a huge sale, or Target wasn't around then. I have this distinct memory of standing with my mom, picking out my maroon comforter with the plaid sheets, and getting maroon and blue towels as well. I kept that same comforter, twin size I'd like to point out, sheets and towels all through college. I finally put them to rest when I graduated.

Having my mom with me at that time was extremely important. I think even if my father had been alive, mom would have still taken me shopping for my goods, still have been the one who drove me down to school, helped me get settled, took me shopping for groceries, and then the one I waved at when I had to stay, cried for when I realized I was really away from home, and called to vent about the crazy classes.

Funny thing, this year, August 4th came and went without a thought on my part as to the significance of the day. Fifteen years is a long time, although I had always told myself I would never forget him, never forget that day he left the family permanently, through no fault of his own. It may be due to the new anger/sadness I have towards him that has surfaced recently. I'm trying to move past those emotions as it's really pointless seeing as he is dead and gone.

Yesterday was mom's birthday. She has become my lifeline and my dear friend. I love her so much, even when I am cranky with her. It is my daily fear that she will go to be with my father sooner than I want her to. Which, let's be honest, is going to be never. I will never be ready to have her leave.

A bit about my mother:

• has four crazy children whom she loves and supports continuously
• kicked cancer's ass and is surviving with more strength than I thought was humanly possible
• she is an amazing wife who supports and loves her husband and is a great example of how to have a successful marriage (twice)
• knows when to call, knows when to send a card, knows when to give space, just knows
• is the hero of most of my friends and they love to call her Miss Joan
  
• probably will never know how admired and loved she is by many
  

So, Happy Belated birthday to my mother. She is the most amazing woman I've ever known.