It's amazing how it all sort of feels like a big blur, a dream, as if nothing happened.
Then.... those emotions that were shoved below the deepest crevice in the deep dark abyss keep rising to the surface, reminding me it wasn't a dream.
The dress, the veil, the tuxedo rental (that was just returned), and the ring that wasn't meant for me don't help either.
The planning, the excitement, the joy, the anticipation of starting 'we', 'us', 'together' really isn't happening.
I am back to being 'me', 'I', 'alone'.
This is reality and I don't like it. It sucks. I don't have closure; I don't understand.
I just really don't understand.
7 comments:
Hmmmmm. Well, as if my opinion means anything since I don't really know you, or him, or the situation, but I sorta think that you are awesome for putting up with such crap. I am sorry the situation sucks, and I'm sorry you don't have closure. Hang in there!
I'm so sorry! Although my situation is completely different...I'm totally having some of the same emotions. I'm driving along thinking I'm okay and then I start crying without knowing exactly why. I hope things get better for you soon and you're able to get some closure. <3
We love you Jo! Come hang with us sometime this week!
I'm not here often -- just when a post title intrigues me when I see it on Max's blog -- but I vaguely recall that you had a bit of a whirlwind romance with this fellow. (Is that right? I seem to recall seeing a post about him when school started or so.)
Anyway, here's my wish to you that the healing time be whirlwind!!
(I mourned a good 2-3 years after my husband of 14 years left very suddenly. Gradually, I came to realize that being alone was less damaging to me than being with a man who hadn't loved me in years. I still agree with that, which is good, because a decade later I'm still alone without much hope of anything else.)
Here's hoping that you'll either find someone better or else learn to be at peace with yourself as ONE (as opposed to half of a pair).
Good luck. Go out with your friends and have some fun being distracted by them.
I'm so sorry Jo! I'm thinking of you and sending hugs and love your way...
I think that ONE of you is worth a million of the "we's" you were planning.
gee...you've got some great advice here as well as amazing kindness. with this kind of support girl you are about to fly! xox
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